I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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