i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
