True but thats because hes a fetus.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
