I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
