Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
