If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
