im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
