So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She told me I should be a condom model.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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