So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
