no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize