I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize