Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
there's paper in my vomit.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
