pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
