Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
3pm strippers are depressing
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize