Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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