He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize