If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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