I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
