Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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