then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
