She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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