there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
