Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
