I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
We have so much sex to catch up on
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize