Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
