Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
