Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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