I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize