If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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