Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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