Already got asked if we're dating
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
