Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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