sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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