I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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