did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
