This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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