Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My penis needs a shock collar
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Randomize
