is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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