party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
