you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Randomize
