whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
