This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
