if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
