Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
