96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize