I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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