marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
