It's like God shit irony all over that family
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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