you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
