Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
