Swine flu. Run for my life!
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
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