I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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