I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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