my phone needs a breathalizer
you would pick up someone in the library
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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