sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize