I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
