It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
