so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
