I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize