my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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