you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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