So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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