He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I think my moral compass just broke
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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