Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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