A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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