tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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