Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
