Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
