I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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