yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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