I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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