On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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